Sitting in an fancy restaurant –mirrors, tiles, plants, brass fittings, people who look happy with their patronage, and extremely competent waiters–I feel dull, negative, sad about the future (mine and humanity's). My mom makes a small gesture and suddenly I'm happy: why? The headache and the proud malaise are still there. I watch an upwelling of happiness and love and the thoughts that come along with it-a faith in goodness and an eagerness to watch time unfold–but only after I've already entered a positive state. The negative emotions I still feel become, in an instant, meaningless. Still there, but no longer an issue.
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July 18th 2019, Cambridge, Ma.